It does not make us monsters. However if things don't improve and you don't think you can handle them then move on, this may be hard but it is better to break up with someone after only being with them for a few months rather than years, don't put your own mental state in harms way but hopefully you should be able to resolve things. I see no evidence that this is a competent therapist or has any Psychological background or knowledge. Most of us struggle because we have experienced severe trauma in childhood and adolescence. For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. We have actually had a massive argument today. Hello Zan, It is good that you allow all to talk and say their piece whether right or wrong and dont remove their posts. Even though I lost all my friends and right now have literally no one to hang out with, I'd rather being alone and have a bad reputation than getting back with her. They break up because they accumulate so much power in a relationship that they think they deserve better and feel that they should be with someone worthy of their inflated self-importance. I feel like this pain is bottomless I just want to move on but Im so broken up, the way she did it all destroyed my mental health, my career, relationships with everyone. I would also encourage her to get professional help, or if she's already got it take it more seriously. He was non violent and never broke anything. And yes they are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next I cant agree more. My ex constantly would bring up that I was younger and less experienced and that she knew better. Once you are devalued, you are treated like trash. She went ballistic because she saw that I messaged a girl while I was in Thailand who happened to be a sex worker. Abusive, as she would lost the rest of respect for me. Ive ben watching a documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into my head. This relationship destroyed me so much that I almost had myself admitted to a clinic. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. She said Im a psychopath, destroying everyone at my path and my career is followed by a pile of dead bodies. Borderline personality disorder is a chronic condition that may include mood instability, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, and high rates of self-injury and suicidal behavior. All you had to do as your exs boyfriend or girlfriend was to be loving and supportive throughout the relationship. Thread starter Clarabellstar; Start date Oct 19, 2015; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member. Im so sorry to hear that. Performance & security by Cloudflare. She woke me up during night, she woke me up at the morning, she started doing it when I was making breakfast or washing myself. After that period, it was a nightmare. So to learn if your ex had a borderline personality disorder or certain BPD traits, try to remember what your ex was like when you were together. We were married and had kids together. You need new friends anyway, yours sucked. Openness and understanding about mental health is the solution. While some people with borderline personality disorder feel bad for the way they present themselves to the world, the unfortunate truth is that most have no idea they have a serious problem to address. I could not leave a women with child. This subreddit is an abuse support forum. If you have BPD, then please do not take what is written here to heart. BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. You have a wide platform, and a lot of followers. She destroyed my good name and reputation. I dont want her back but dont want to be hated either. Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a146d6d9d2e467f Fuck. Whereas if your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting. However your not alone. They were texting me. BPD splitting destroy relationships in the way that the person defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they can feel good about themselves. I almost went to jail because of her psychosis and impulsive violent behavior. So I did. I kept on trying to reassure her of my original intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was lying. Here Are My Suggestions. This is indeed a common problem. Another thing with us bpds is we may hate someone for the smallest of things however we also love people as well when they do little things. The Internet is filled with this kind of one-sided and unpublished articles. You dont need to lie and say youre glad it happened (that would be rude), but do say that you accept the decision and that youre going to need some time to yourself. He or she shouldnt be dating either. Everything else was your exs responsibility and completely out of your control. She was the more outgoing one out of the two which means that she was the one my friends preferred. But it is so important to internalize that it's not our responsibility to save people. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. Relationships become stuck in a defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly. The internet is full of crap about people with BPD, but Im glad there are some knowledgable people like you sharing genuinely helpful information. You need to take care of yourself first and your ex and those in need after. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are usually susceptible and easily upset. Then poof! You cant imagine how much I needed to hear this before. In the end you are left confused and heartbroken in the worst possible way. While I understand that youre suffering and need to vent, my concern is that you are wasting your energy in public like this. But, in the minds of my friends the only reason a guy goes to Thailand by himself is of course to have sex. And I think you as a layman should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness. Its best to write in a journal or take up other pursuits where you can regain control of your emotions and perhaps even get some counseling. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If the therapist does not recognize the splitting, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each other. You cant rationalize with a irrational person. People who are diagnosed with BPD experience disturbance in identity, mood and relationships, and mental health professionals report that the No. But, for my undoing, I was also raised as a person that is very sympathetic, empathetic and trustworthy. propose breaks, threaten to break up, or sleep with other people, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Former model, really beautiful girl. They dont care about you that much, but deep down they can. After I learned she had two small children and was "in a process of leaving her husband", I tried to cut the relation we had. I wrote for you in the previous texts that my ex dumped me on my birthday without any closure, and as I was with him for 2 years I know he has BPD traits refusing to meet a therapist. These behaviors, all of which I do by the way, are almost knee jerk reactions. Shortly before our holiday, I was promoted and started to work with a new assistant. If you continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it will all go downhill. The things she do only can have a temporal impact impact in your life. They even told her that they didn't want to associate with "a person like me". How does BPD splitting destroy relationships? You might also see your partner experience unexpected bouts of anger,. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. I just couldnt. They should first make a plan on how to strengthen their mental processes (memory, emotions, perceptions, ways of thinking,and reasoning) and only then look for alternative methods that bring their emotions under control. It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. Many people with BPD dont even know they have BPD. She helped me in any way she could. the problem occurse when a trigger gets so bad a borderline shut down. Always. Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. Such people cant be reasoned with, so they shouldnt be dating until they gain control over their thoughts and actions. Or will I be hated and painted black forever? When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. emotional control needed in relationships, Click here to download the free report, Relationship Death Sentence: The #1 Mistake That Kills the Relationship, women with BPD are attractive, sexy individuals, Will My BPD Ex Come Back To Me? So do something nice every now and then, show up to her house with a rose and a big smile, she will appreciate that any little thing you can do to show her how much she is loved by you and how much you care about her. He might cheat. Best cheat first.. What the hell is this? It just won't have a normal, peaceful home. GF: "Yeah you're right. Your ex may have a borderline personality disorder, but your ex can take care of himself or herself. However, it is not impossible to maintain a long-term relationship with BPD. Very quickly she he became obsessed with me - she would wait near the subway each day for me to come, she texted me all the time, we went to a couple of lunches together. I always loved Spain, I'm a big Real Madrid fan, now I'm traumatized by this country. Keep strong and kite up bro! I got misdiagnosed with BPD, because his constantly abuse. The borderline partner will eventually feel that nothing they say will get through to them, they will always be cast as the bad person. One of the primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is emotion dysregulation. Do you erupt into anger easily? It seems cruel and I'm definitely not saying that she doesn't deserve to be loved and cared for the way you are trying to, but she just won't be able to function in a healthy relationship right now. That she was stressed and had to have a break. A BPD relationship cycle often consists of some emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated. Its important to remember that BPD isnt something your child chooses, and there are many things you can do to get them back on track. It can be difficult for people with BPD to maintain healthy relationships. Very quickly she came back to work , and although I was also working full time for a corporation (another one at this time), must of the chores were on my back. The pwbpd does not see the partner as a person, and certainly not as the person they actually are. Your IP: I think the main goal is to just forget about her. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. It made me realize my mistake as a normal person would when dealing with BPD break up. Tell me about it. They truly are hyper sensitive. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. All you had to do as your exs responsibility and completely out of the characteristics... My path and my career is followed by a pile of dead bodies which means she! 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